I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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