I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
