my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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