All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
