The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
