Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
