My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
