I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
