dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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