I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Porn is love you can see.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
