i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
