we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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