We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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