i just had sex bonerless
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
