I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
