He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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