...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
