Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
