After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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