I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
