Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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