I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
