4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
