She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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