Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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