you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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