i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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