I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
