Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
