So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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