If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
