I got chris browned last night
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
