can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
