I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
