shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
