This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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