Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
