The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
