3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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