I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
