Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
