Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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