hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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