Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
