when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
