For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
