we have pet lesbian snakes
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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