So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
