Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
