i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
