gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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