From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Randomize
