Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
