if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
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It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
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Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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