doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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