you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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