just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
