I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
