We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
