I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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