you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
