I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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