this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize