Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship