Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.

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(317): View more from Indiana

and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment

(757): View more from Virginia

Personally I think it's a tremendous investment

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(404): View more from Georgia

He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.

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These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(217): View more from Illinois

dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.

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(863): View more from Florida

Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.

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(618): View more from Illinois

Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.

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