I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.