my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
