Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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