Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
