Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
