3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
