we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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