I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
