I think I won the penis lottery.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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